3 Sleep Myths Everyone Believes

While it's probably the simplest activity anyone ever does, sleeping is something we all take for granted (some more than others). If you really think about it, sleep is pretty freaky. It's a decent chunk of the day that you spend totally unconscious. On average, we spend a third of our whole lives sleeping, so it doesn't come as any surprise that the ancients came up with stories that explained where dreams come from, and even gods who have the sole job of creating them.

Today, we look back on these primitive explanations and look to science instead to try and figure out what is exactly going on. However, there are still many sleep-related myths everyone believes that are completely false.

#1. "Waking a sleepwalker can harm them."


The Myth

If there was a book called "100 old wives tales", this would be on the first page. It's right up there with "Don't swim right after eating" (which is also total bullshit by the way). Actually, that would make a great future article. Stay tuned.

Back on topic, it is widely believed that if you encounter a sleepwalker, then it'd be important to their health if you don't wake them. Depending on where you hear the myth, waking them can result in psychological trauma, or it could even put the victim into a deep psychosis from which they never snap out of.

Exhibit A.

The Truth

This myth actually started out from a fact that got twisted over the years to eventually mean something else. It is perfectly safe for a sleepwalker if they are woken. The person who it's not safe for is YOU. Sleepwalking is actually a sleep disorder, which doesn't allow the brain to fall into a deep enough sleep, therefore leaving the victim partly conscious and free to do activities that you would do whilst normally awake, such as walking, washing the dishes, and killing your mother-in-law.

I'm not shitting you. In 1987, Kenneth Parks, a 23-year-old Toronto man, was suffering terribly from insomnia caused by his recent job dismissal and had accumulated huge gambling debts. One night, he got into his car, drove to his in-laws, stabbed his mother-in-law to death with a kitchen knife, and lacerated his own hands pretty badly in the process. He then drove himself to a police station and turned himself in. Oh yeah, and he did all this while being totally asleep. 

"Must... Pick up... Smokes... On way back."

Many bizarre medical cases like these are reported, such as people having sex with strangers or even mowing the lawn whilst sleeping. Interestingly, in Kenneth Parks' case, the jury found him not guilty since a team of psychologists and neurologists all testified that he had a history of sleeping disorders, had no motive since he had a great relationship with his mother-in-law, and no recollection of the events that occurred that night. However, he'll have to live with his unconscious actions for the rest of his life.

"Oh good morning honey, I just had the weirdest drea-OH MY FUCK!!!"

The danger in waking a sleepwalker is that the person becomes understandably startled and disoriented once he/she is awoken, and might out of reflex harm the person trying to wake them. So the moral of the story is if you must wake a sleepwalker, make sure they aren't holding any object that could be used to kill you, and that there is lots of room to run to just in case they're dreaming of being a ninja assassin at the time.

#2. "You swallow 6 spiders in your sleep per year."

The Myth

This is another commonly repeated factoid which everyone just believes without putting much thought into. After all, is it really that unreasonable to assume that a spider would crawl into your home, onto your bed, seek you out when you just happen to have your mouth open, and go on a suicide mission to crawl into a warm, moist cave surrounded by teeth; not once, but half a dozen times per year? 

Like all the rest of them, the details of the myth vary depending on where you hear them, but the most commonly accepted origin for this story is a widespread "chain email" which typically has a whole host of made-up facts that sound interesting but are actually several different flavours of bullshit. What's even more typical however, is that people just take these 'facts' and believe them without doubt or looking into them, and forward it to their friends and family. In this way, ignorance is the AIDS of the internet, only more widespread. It seems people give equally as many fucks about looking into facts as they do about having unprotected sex in third world countries.

The Truth

Apart from the fact that there has never been a study conducted that has said anything about swallowing spiders in your sleep, why would a spider be so intensely attracted to your mouth? Unless you had rotting flies in there of course. However, bad breath aside, a spider (or any insect) would have to overcome almost impossible odds in order for it to reach your mouth and get you to swallow it. Firstly, your face (including your lips) are still extremely sensitive to touch even while asleep. Even if a spider were to perform a suicide 'rappel' from the ceiling on a silk thread inside your (horrifyingly extremely open) mouth, it would have to miss your tongue and lips completely and aim for the back of your throat, in which case your gag reflex would be triggered and you would wake up and spit that bastard out anyway.

Of course, this guy would just take it as a challenge.

#3. "Sleeping next to your mobile phone can cause brain tumours."

The Myth

This one is probably the most recently circulating story. The media loves reporting anything that can scare people into giving them ratings and airtime. So it's no surprise then that a YouTube video showing corn kernels 'popping' when a couple of mobile phones are pointed at them attracted so many views. It wouldn't be hard to think what the casual viewer (or even yourself) would have thought about the alleged dangers of cell phones and keeping them as far the fuck away from your head as possible. The problem with this video is that it's totally fake. The creator is actually a bluetooth headset manufacturer called "Cardo", who used these viral videos to promote their bluetooth headsets (which is itself another goddamn thing that uses radio waves that you attach to your head). Oh yeah, and they openly admitted to the hoax in 2008. 

They might have a point if our phones looked like this.

The Truth

There have been hundreds of studies done to see if mobile phones are potentially carcinogenic, and whilst many major organisations classify them as a mild danger just to be safe, there isn't any concrete evidence to suggest that they actually cause cancer. In fact, a recent study published in the journal "Environmental Health Perspectives"on 1st July, 2011 states in its conclusion: 

"Although there remains some uncertainty, the trend in the accumulating evidence is increasingly against the hypothesis that mobile phone use can cause brain tumours in adults."

Even if you completely ignore this evidence, the space around you is absolutely saturated with electromagnetic waves, both natural and artificial. It is impossible to get away from them. Even at the dawn of time (ie. before electricity was invented), all sorts of radio waves and cosmic rays were marinating the planet like it was a Sunday roast for inmates at death row. This still continues to this day, and mankind has thrived for thousands of years regardless.

Pictured: Good eatin'.

So putting these myths to sleep, I wish you all a good night, and don't let the bed begs bite (which actually are totally a real thing, by the way).